The troubles of Lupin
by incurably insane
Summary: R/OC - rating just to be on the safe side. i dunno how to describe this actually. Lupin has trouble in taking the place Sirius tried to fill for Harry and on top of that he meets someone special....
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I don't own ANYTHING. Well.I do, but nothing related to Harry  
Potter  
  
Oh yeah and I'm sorry about how useless my French is  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Remus Lupin lightly tossed the book he had been reading onto the grubby glass table and pushed the light brown hair flecked with grey out of his tired eyes. He hadn't really been reading it anyway, his mind kept drifting back to three weeks ago. The veil, Sirius' surprise, the look on Harry's face as his godfather fell to his death. He shook his head as if that would rid the terrible thoughts constantly drifting across it.  
It was just then; a small figure fell through his table.  
"Ouch, oh - damn, my new robes." She got up and shook some of the broken glass from her mangled garments. She stood in the hole in the centre of the table where the glass had been. Grimacing, she lifted a leg to put it over the side of the broken table, but misjudged the distance and tripped over, the wooden remains of Remus' coffee table collapsing on top of her.  
A slight smile crossed Lupin's face. "Morning Tonks."  
Tonks got up for the second time and shook herself free of debris. "Morning Remus, s-sorry about the table, mis-apparated."  
He grinned. "It's ok - I suppose you did me a favour. It clashed with some of the décor."  
"What décor?"  
"Well, that hair for a start." He indicated the purple and pink spikes that seemed to have accumulated on top of Tonks' head.  
"Oh - that" She blushed and her hair turned to a dark red. "I was just experimenting. Anyway-" She collapsed into an armchair, knocking over a pile of paper in the process. "Oh - sorry, I'll just-"  
"NO! I - I mean don't worry."  
"Anyway," Tonks began again, "I just came to see if you were alright with the job Dumbledore gave you. I mean I know babysitting Harry for a year isn't very exciting or anything, but, believe me - it's important. After - you know, Harry needs you."  
Remus shook his head. "No - you know I'm not very good at playing dad - I tried to be - you know - an adult-figure in his third year, and I was useless at that."  
"Well he doesn't seem to think so. All you have to do is be there for him when he needs you. He's been through a lot lately and, you know, his troubles are multiplied a hundred fold by the teenage hormones circulating his body." A slight smile crossed her lips. "You know how he's been prone to little outbursts recently."  
"Really?" Said Remus grinning too. "I can't say I'd noticed."  
"Oh and Emmeline told me to tell you that your accommodation has been sorted." Her smile turned into a huge grin. "It's near the school - Hogsmeade in fact. The room above Zonko's."  
  
"Above Zonko's? Sirius'd be so jealous."  
At the mention of Sirius the atmosphere in the room turned. Lupin's eyes fell and his skin paled. Memories flooded back to him.  
"Remus?" Said Tonks quietly. "Erm - Moony?"  
Remus' head snapped up, fire in his once-calm eyes. "Did you just call me-"  
A loud crack cut him off and Dumbledore appeared. He brushed the dust off his robes and, noticing the ex-table, said, "Ah, Nymphadora, I see you've arrived." He pointed his wand at the table. "Reparo." The pieces of glass shot back up and reformed the tabletop as if it was a film being played backwards. He beamed at the two slumped on the chairs. "I came to tell you - your sister has moved from her teaching post at Beuxbatons to fill ours at Hogwarts. She has also consented to join the order and will keep a close eye on Harry when Remus can't be there." With a mutter and a crack he disappeared again.  
Tonks had gone a funny shade of purple, which clashed with her red hair, giving her the appearance of a half-ripe plum.  
Trying to look more confused than amused, Lupin furrowed his brow. "I didn't know you had a sister."  
"She is not my sister. She is simply the by-product of some hideous love affair my father had ten or so years before I was born. She is the reason my parents constantly bickered all the way through my childhood. She is the name that's always dragged up every time they row. She-"  
"Ok - ok. I take it you don't like her then."  
"Like her? LIKE HER? SHE RUINED MY LIFE - IF IT WEREN'T FOR HER MY PARENTS WOULD STILL BE TOGETHER! IF MY DAD HAD HAD THE BLOODY SELF- DISCIPLINE TO KEEP HIS-"  
"Alright! Alright."  
The colour in Tonks' face lightened slightly. "The point is - my dad had an affair. Years before I was born with some French cow. And if she hadn't been conceived all would probably have been forgotten. But no - Clarisse." She adopted a mock French accent. "I will ruin people's lives. I will dest'roy people's marriages. I will swan around at Beuxbatons zen toddle over to 'ogwarts to irritate ma soeur."  
"She sounds horrible - what's she like? As a person I mean."  
Tonks coloured again and shrugged. "She always lived with her mother in France. But when I did see her she was a right little schnock." She brushed a stray hair angrily out of her eyes. "But if she tries one thing, que Dieu me vienne en aide, I'll ram her teeth so far down her throat she'll have to stick a toothbrush up her backside to clean them."  
Remus cocked his head to one side. "You're quite good at French."  
"I know."  
  
The train pulled slowly and noisily into the station, and as soon as it had drawn to a halt, a stampede of students flocked off.  
"Firs' years this way!" Called a familiar voice. "Firs' year - oh! All righ' there, professor? Blimey, ain't seen you in a while!"  
Lupin forced a smile as he waded his way through the crowd, trying to ignore the looks he was getting, particularly the ones from Slytherin. "Fine." He muttered, barely audibly. "Seen Harry?"  
"No, not-"  
"LUPIN!" Suddenly screamed two voices and Remus was nearly knocked off his feet by Hermione, Ron and, oddly, Neville.  
"Hi Hermione, Ron.Neville. How are you all?"  
"Oh!" Said Hermione. "Great! My parents brought me a brand new book that I read over the holidays. 'A guide to the most significant magical innovations of our time.' Can you believe - it has a whole section dedicated to the solving of the 1437 goblin cataclysms? I mean, not even 'Dorothy Guillieme's encyclopaedia of magical adversities' goes into that sort of detail. It says-"  
"Yeah." Interrupted Ron. "Fascinating. But if you haven't noticed, everyone's going."  
"Right." Said Lupin. "Where's Harry? We'd better be-"  
"Mph." Said Neville suddenly.  
"Excuse me?"  
"Oh." Explained Ron to Lupin. "He ate one of Fred's jaw-locker toffees. He's only been able to grunt all journey. His own fault of course. Honestly Neville, you should know by now not to eat anything you find in our house. Either the twins have tampered with it, or mum's cooked it."  
Remus grinned, took out his wand and muttered something under his breath. Neville's mouth snapped back open. "Now." He repeated. "Where's Harry?"  
Everyone's faces fell. "There." Whispered Hermione, jerking her head along the platform.  
And there, Harry stood. Staring into the air as if it were the most interesting thing there. "Harry?" Called Ron uncertainly. Harry jerked suddenly like he'd just been woken up. "We're going."  
"Mm." Said Harry distractedly, and dawdled vaguely in their direction.  
"You three go on ahead." Hissed Lupin and walked slowly over to meet Harry who was coming towards them.  
Harry muttered something that sounded vaguely like 'hi' and carried on not paying much attention.  
Remus pulled his cloak tighter round his body as a sudden blast of autumn chill froze his already weary self. "I realize how you must be feeling Harry, but you need to know that there are a lot of people who want to help you and put in the right direction because they care Harry. If you ever feel you need to tell anyone anything I'm there for you so don't hesitate to confide in me. Do you understand Harry? I want you to talk to me, I want to help."  
Harry nodded, but didn't seem too convinced. Eventually, him and Lupin approached the remaining carriage containing Hermione, Ron and Neville. "I'll join you." Said Remus off-handedly.  
The carriage set off slowly, trundling aspirated up the narrow path that led through Hogsmeade to Hogwarts.  
"So." Said Hermione, attempting to break the consuming silence. "How are you Lupin? Umm.Remus?"  
"I'm ok I suppose.considering."  
A sudden chill crept up the backs of the inhabitants of the carriage.  
"Sirius." Said Harry. All heads turned to him, it was the first time he'd spoken anything comprehensible.  
The carriage fell silent again. They were now entering Hogsmeade.  
"Umm." Began Hermione taking another stab at conversation. ".Moony.?"  
Remus' face shot at her like a bullet from a gun. "WHAT did you just call me?" His eyes flashed menacingly.  
"I.err.isn't that.what the marauders used to - to call you?"  
"The marauders are DEAD Hermione, DEAD you get it? Deceased, departed, no more, six feet under the bloody ground, GET it? And besides, the marauders were just a stupid, childish little game that four stupid, childish little boys used to play. Understand? If you want me Harry, Dumbledore'll tell you where I'm staying. Goodbye." And with that he threw open the door and leapt from the moving carriage.  
"Well." Said Hermione indignantly. "What was all that about?"  
Ron shrugged. "Dunno, must be mating season or something."  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------  
  
So.what do you think???? Review!!! Only nothing nasty!  
  
Here's my VERY ROUGH French phrase - thing. I'm useless at French - I just think they're cool!  
  
Ma soeur - my sister Schnock - fathead / blockhead / whatever Que Dieu me vienne en aide - so help me God  
  
Oh yeah and I'm English so I'm sorry if there are phrases you don't understand  
  
PS I don't mean to offend anyone. If I have - IM SORRY! 


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER - own nothing, want everything  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Remus stormed back through Hogsmeade. He was angry with Hermione, with Sirius, even with Harry. But the thing that angered him the most was the fact that he had absolutely no idea what he was angry about. He couldn't even remember why he'd stormed out of the carriage in the first place.  
He marched through Zonko's door and tripped over the shifting doormat. He stood up, regained his composure and continued to trudge miserably upstairs to his flat. He took his keys in his shaking hand, put them in the lock, and fell straight through the door.  
"Oh sorry Remus I left it open because it was too hot."  
Remus jumped out of his skin. "Who the Hell - TONKS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? THIS IS MY HOUSE! YOU SEE? MY THINGS!"  
Tonks folded her arms and glared at Lupin. "Well Remus, I don't know what put you in that mood but if you don't snap out of it pretty soon, you wont get any tea."  
"Bu-bu-but-"  
"And don't 'but' you're not a goat."  
"Sorry Molly." He flopped in a nearby chair. Tonks grinned and morphed into Molly Weasley "Come to think of it why are you in a Molly-mood?"  
  
"Oh Remus I've had an awful day." She flumped into the chair next to him. "First I burnt my kitchen down, then the ceiling collapsed, and now I've got no where to live."  
  
"You can stay here for a while."  
  
She smiled. "Thanks."  
  
"And then, while you were gone, SHE sent me a letter." Her face was colouring. "Can you believe - SHE invited me to dinner. WHAT KIND OF SICK, TWISTED PERSON INVITES PEOPLE TO DINNER?"  
Remus shrugged, trying not to laugh.  
Tears were desperately trying not to form in her eyes. "Just so she can peer down her nose at me. She was always like that - stuck-up. We - my dad always used to invite her over for Christmas dinner. She's sit there, and not say anything to anyone - you know - as if she's too good to dine with us. And she's always hated my power - you know? God, she was horrible."  
Remus put his arm round her. "My day's as bad. I just completely lost my rag with Hermione and I can't, for the life of me remember what it was all about. And - I also feel a little - it was err. full moon last night."  
Tonks clapped her hand over her mouth; in any other situation it would have been quite funny as she still looked like Mrs Weasley. "Oh, drat, I completely forgot. I'm so sorry."  
Remus' eyes lowered and his voice deepened. "And it-umm-it was the first time I'd done it without-you know-for a-a year. I know it's stupid - I lasted thirteen years but-" He broke off.  
Tonks shook her head. "It's not stupid." She could tell that he was trying not to cry. "I'll make some more tea, shall I?"  
She got up and when she was safely out of the room, Remus wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeve. He looked opposite him. There, on the wall, hung an enormous picture with a huge, grand frame, the only thing Remus had that was expensive and in good condition. In the picture sat the marauders on a sofa. Sirius and himself sat there waving and James had his arm around Lily who was holding Harry, all three of them were smiling. Peter wasn't there, he had been ill when the photo was taken. He'd had the image blown up recently. It was the marauders. The marauders as they should be. The doorbell went, startling him out of his dream world. He heaved himself out of his chair and wrestled with the stiff door.  
"Hi Professor!" Said George inviting himself in.  
"How are you?" Asked Fred, not looking too bothered and following his brother.  
"Umm-why are you here?"  
"Oh that's nice." Said Fred.  
"Here we are-" Began George.  
"-Two poor, innocent young men-"  
"-Trying to find our way in the world."  
"Only to be crushed by certain, heartless werewolves."  
Remus forced a grin. "Why are you here?" He repeated.  
"Product marketing and testing."  
Remus frowned. That did not sound good.  
"Look." Said George, rummaging around in his pocket. "Allow me to demonstrate." He pulled out a pair of clip-on earrings. "These are anti- hearrings."  
"Or hear-ring aids." Said Fred.  
"The name is, as yet, undecided. Here." He handed them to Lupin. "Now, Remus Lupin." He put on a fake Molly voice. "How DARE you wear anything given by Fred and George. If your father-" Remus clipped on the earrings and immediately the sound was changed so that the sound he could hear didn't match the sound coming out of George's lips. "-sausages. My mother is a goose. I like green wheelbarrows. The baby is alight. The train to Gloucester is arriving at platform three-" Remus grinned and pulled off an earring so that he could hear what George was really saying. "-So that when our mother is screaming her head off at us all, which is, let's be honest, a common occurrence-"  
"GEORGE WEASLEY."  
The twins' faces paled as they spun around to face their mother.  
"HOW DARE YOU TALK LIKE THAT! YOU'VE HURT ME DEEPLY GEORGE. IN FACT - I'VE A GOOD MIND TO TELL REMUS HERE WHAT YOU DID WHEN YOU WERE FIVE-"  
"You-you wouldn't!"  
"OH WOULDN'T I GEORGE?"  
Fred came to the rescue. "We-we were just here to tell R-Remus th- that Dumbledore w-wants to see him. Tomorrow."  
"AND HOW EXACTLY DOES DELIVERING THAT MESSAGE INVOLVE INSULTING YOUR OWN MOTHER?"  
"W-we're sorry, mum- but - what the-?"  
Remus and 'Mrs Weasley' burst out laughing, and with a 'pop' Tonks turned back into what was usually her usual self.  
"You-" Started Fred.  
"-You evil-"  
"-That prank-"  
"-Was bloody brilliant." George saluted Tonks. And with that the twins marched out of the flat, looking extremely impressed.  
Tonks giggled some more.  
"By the way - what did Fred and George do when they were five?"  
Tonks shrugged. "I have no idea. I just made it all- is that an earring?"  
Remus went scarlet and pulled it off his ear.  
  
------  
  
A banging at the door woke Remus. "We're baaaaaaaaaack!" He groaned and heaved himself out of bed. He walked past Tonks who was lying on the settee grunting. And pulled open the door. Fred and George stood there once more, as smug as ever.  
  
"Proh-fess-hor Dumbledore requests a meeting with you and Harry!" Said George cheerfully.  
  
"What time is it?"  
  
"Just gone seven."  
  
"He wants to meet me this early in the morning?"  
  
Fred nodded. "Before lessons start."  
  
Remus looked into a mirror that was perched on a pile of books. "My hair." He moaned.  
  
"It always looks bad, anyway." Shrugged Fred. "Here, take this." He threw him a comb.  
  
Remus pulled it through his matted hair once, then rubbed his head. Everyone snorted. "What?" He asked, confused.  
  
"Nothing." Replied Tonks in an unusually high-pitched voice.  
  
Fearing the worst, Remus turned back to the mirror, and there, where he'd pulled the comb was a green stripe.  
  
The room burst out laughing. "I-" Moaned Lupin, "I can't meet Dumbledore like this."  
  
"You're gonna have to." Said Fred in hysterics. "And pretty soon!"  
  
Remus grunted, picked up his cloak and stormed out of the flat.  
  
------  
  
Ron and Hermione were talking in low whispers in the entrance hall. They looked unusually close, although maybe that was because he was used to seeing them with an inch thick wall of tension between them thought Lupin. "Hi you two."  
  
They immediately shot a metre apart from each other. "Hi-" Began Ron. "We were just umm - doing - nothing."  
  
"Nothing?" Asked Lupin. "Right."  
  
"So are you here to see Dumbledore with Harry?" Said Hermione changing the subject rapidly.  
  
"Yeah." Nodded Lupin, deciding not to take the 'nothing' matter any further. "How's he been?"  
  
"Oh-ok, I suppose. Personally my advice is to be firm but loving."  
  
Lupin could hardly suppress a grin. "Firm but loving? Right, I'll remember that."  
  
"Because of course, 'nothing is so aggravating as calmness.' I-"  
  
"She read that somewhere." Finished Ron.  
  
"Yeah," Said Hermione. "I - wait, how did you know that?"  
  
Ron shrugged. "Must be psychic."  
  
Hermione glared at him. The old tension was back again. "Good luck Lupin."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"And be-" One eyebrow raised. "Your hair's-"  
  
"Green!" Grinned Ron.  
  
"Well-" Started Hermione again. "It's not - it's not all green."  
  
"What happened?" Asked Ron, mid-laughter.  
  
"Fred and George happened. Now I've really got to go. Oh, and Hermione, I'm sorry about the other day - it was just after the full moon and-"  
  
"It's OK."  
  
------  
  
"Belgian seashells." A set of golden staircases appeared and Remus followed them upwards. Not bothering to knock he opened the door and entered the room.  
  
Harry sat in front of the headmaster's desk and smiled slightly as he entered. "Hi." Muttered Lupin. He threw his cloak around the back of the empty chair and sat down.  
  
"So." Began Dumbledore. "I want to talk to you both about the arrangements for this year. Remus is staying in the flat above Zonko's. The owners know about the arrangement and will let him up anytime. Regarding visiting hours. Harry, you may visit Remus at any time as long as it is before seven o'clock, not during lesson time and as long as you are accompanied by someone else." They both nodded. "Is there anything you'd like to ask me?"  
  
"No." They said simultaneously.  
  
"Then that's-"  
  
"Yes," Said Harry suddenly. "What if Sirius isn't dead? What if he just-" "He's dead." Said Lupin, a sudden edge to his voice.  
  
"SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM ANYWAY? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID HE KNEW HIM THEN THOUGHT HE WAS A BLOODY MURDERER FOR TWELVE YEARS!"  
  
"I knew him for nine years, you knew him for two so don't give me tha-"  
  
"YES WELL I STILL MANAGED TO GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HIM! NOT LIKE YOU, YOU SHUT HIM UP IN THAT HOUSE-"  
  
"YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO MISSES SIRIUS YOU KNOW!"  
  
"HE WASN'T YOUR DAD!"  
  
"HE WASN'T YOURS EITHER!"  
  
"HE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN - HE'S THE ONLY DAD WHO'S EVER BEEN THERE!"  
  
"WHAT ABOUT THE ONE WHO DIED TO SAVE YOU?"  
  
"SHUT UP!" And with that, Harry stormed out of the classroom.  
  
Pink in the face, Remus picked up his cloak and followed suit.  
  
------  
  
Hermione and Ron watched as first Harry stormed past them into the hall closely followed by Lupin who stormed past them outside.  
  
"Isn't that good, Ron? They've bonded!"  
  
"Bonded? They look like they bloody hate each other!"  
  
"Well it's a START." Said Hermione, defensively.  
  
**--------**  
  
So what do you think? Review! (nothing nasty though!) 


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER - still don't own anything  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Remus rubbed his face rigidly with his hand and scratched his hair till it hurt. He still couldn't believe how he could be such an idiot. He looked up at the enlargened photograph of the marauders on his wall.  
"I'm sorry," He whispered. His eyes travelled from James, to Lily, to Sirius and back again. "I'm really, really sorry."  
It had been a whole week since the incident in Dumbledore's study, and he still felt awful. Too awful to meet Harry and too awful not to. Tonks had moved back into her house after it had been fixed. Now he was on his own again, he didn't even have Harry.  
Harry - the name still hurt him to think of. It was such a stupid argument - but the memory of Sirius had been so strong - they had both been weak.  
Seconds, minutes, hours past but Remus just watched the picture. When his old, decaying clock struck midnight he jumped with a start. It was only then he realised how tired he was. He got up to go to bed, but was cut short by a knock at the door. Who'd be visiting at this time of night?  
He pulled on the awkward door several times before it opened to reveal - no one. "He-hello?"  
"I'm here." An invisibility cloak fell to the floor to reveal a very wet and miserable-looking Harry Potter.  
"Harry? What are you- at this time of night- on your own- come in, quick." He pulled the boy inside and ran into his bedroom raiding drawers and cupboards; eventually he found a very tattered looking Hogwarts uniform that had been patched in several places. "Here you go, Harry, change into this. Merlin, you're soaking wet, you'll catch a cold. I'm sorry I haven't got anything bigger." He apologized, wrestling Harry into his old clothes. "I only ever had one uniform." He looked thoughtful. "Very painful when I went through puberty."  
"I'm sorry." Said Harry suddenly.  
Remus dropped the clothes into the bath to dry off and came and sat next to Harry. "It's fine. You have nothing to apologise for. I, however, I- everything I said, about Sirius, a-and you not being-well. He was practically a dad to you. And I understand that you've never had a dad that was - there, and James was - I'm sorry."  
"Don't be stupid." Harry shook his head. "Ever since Sirius died I've been snapping at everyone, starting arguments here and there, I'm really-"  
"It's fine, Harry." He grinned. "So are we friends again?"  
Harry nodded. "I really miss Sirius, you know."  
"Yeah. Me too. I'm really - this is going to sound awful. I'm really starting to realise how - how much I missed him the first time round."  
It was then Harry noticed the picture. "M-my parents."  
Remus nodded.  
Harry's eyes fell from the picture.  
"Would you like anything to drink? Tea?"  
Harry nodded. "Yeah."  
Remus bustled off to the kitchen and busied himself with teapots while Harry stared up at the photo. A few minutes later Lupin hurried back trying not to drop the mug of tea he was carrying. As Harry was drinking, he suddenly remembered something.  
"Harry?"  
"Mmm."  
"I need your conformation on something."  
"Mmm?"  
"If you see a teenage boy and a teenage girl really close in a hall and when they realise you're there they jump apart like they've just been hit by bludgers. Then they tell you, unprovoked that they were doing 'nothing', what were they doing?"  
"Snogging." Said Harry immediately.  
"Thought so."  
"Why?"  
"Never mind."  
They sat in silence for a few minutes. "Lup-Remus?"  
"Yes?"  
"What-? Oh it doesn't matter."  
"No - go on."  
Harry had gone the colour of an overripe beetroot. "What - what would you do if the first time you ever umm - kissed anyone, they burst into tears?"  
Remus looked embarrassed himself. "I - err - well - you weren't standing on her feet or anything were you?"  
"N-no, I don't think so."  
"Then - umm - I dunno."  
"Remus - what. Err - I never got chance to ask umm Sirius so - umm - what was your first kiss like?"  
"Why- why do you want to know? I-I mean umm-" It was Remus' turn to go red.  
"Just tell me - I told you."  
"Oh-ok, but PROMISE you won't laugh and that you'll take this to you bloody grave with you."  
"O-k-"  
"Well - when I was in fifth year I was going out with a-a girl called Adelaide, and I didn't want to make a complete idiot of myself, because she was one of THEM girls - you know? The ones everyone wants. And - the truth was I'd never actually done it before. So-so I sort of - asked Sirius what to do. Because he knew EVERYTHING about girls. And - he dragged me into an empty toilet stall and told me what to do."  
Harry grinned. "So when did you kiss her?"  
If Lupin was blushing before, he was on fire now. "Well - my first kiss you see. Well - umm - how do I put this? When - umm - Sirius TOLD me it was more of a sort of PRACTICAL telling, i-if you know what I mean."  
"Oh. My. God."  
  
At this point, Remus was FURIOUS with the floor for not swallowing him up there and then.  
  
Harry looked as if Christmas had come early. "YOU SNOGGED SIRIUS!" He burst into laughter and rolled around, hysterically.  
  
"You said you wouldn't laugh!" Said Lupin, pathetically. But Harry didn't hear him; he was too busy rolling around the floor. Remus looked up at the portrait where James was also in fits of laughter. "Like father, like bloody son he muttered."  
  
Just then, there was a knock at the door. Still as red as a quaffle he headed over to the door and heaved it open. In the doorway stood a cloaked stranger. "Can I come in?" The voice was soft and feminine with a definite accent from somewhere or other.  
  
Overcome by curiosity Lupin nodded. The stranger lowered her cloak hood. Remus' heart fluttered pathetically for a second or two then took a nosedive through the pit of his stomach. The woman shook her mane of thick, stunning black-brown hair out of her face, which was almost perfectly toned with her eyes, which were a luscious brown. "I am so sor'ry to intrude." Her voice reverberated around his head. "Ezcuse me? Mr Lupin?"  
  
Remus snapped back into action. "Right - sorry about that."  
  
It was then she noticed Harry rolling round the floor. "Oh my goodness. Ze poor boy is 'ysterical!"  
  
"Nothing to worry about." Said Lupin. "I was just humiliating myself."  
  
"I came to fetch 'im back. We were all so worr'ied when 'e took off like zat." "Who?"  
  
"Oh! I am so sorr'y! I 'ave not intro'duced myself. I teach defence against ze dark arts at 'Ogwarts. My name is Clarisse. Clarisse Tonks."  
  
"Cl-Tonks' sister? Nymphadora I mean."  
  
Clarisse nodded unhappily. "Yes - but - she doesn't like me ver'y much."  
  
"Why not? Is it all because of - you know - your dad?"  
  
Harry looked suddenly interested.  
  
Clarisse nodded.  
  
"She said you were - I mean I don't want to be RUDE or anything, but she said you were big-headed, that - that you thought you were above everyone else and that - you never spoke to anyone."  
  
Clarisse shook her head sadly. "I 'ave NEVER thought myself above anyone. I nev'er spoke because - because what is ze point in talking to people who don't listen? Eef they only hate you afterwards?"  
  
"She - she said you hated her - her gift."  
  
"Gift!" She laughed out loud. "You would hate it too eef she kept on tur'ning into you then swanning around 'umiliating you."  
  
"Oh." Said Remus apologetically. "I didn't know. I well- umm - you seem nice to me. Not that- err - I mean Tonks is my friend and you. are.are NOT my friend.n-not that of course - I mean it's not as if I don't want to be.not that I do.but I don't not - I-I'm gonna shut up now."  
  
Clarisse laughed, rubbing her top teeth on her lower lip. She brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Do you mind eef I use you bathroom?"  
  
Remus nodded, "It's that room there." He pointed. His eyes followed her out the room.  
  
Harry glared at him. "I SAW that."  
  
"What?" Asked Lupin distractedly.  
  
"Honestly, REMUS, I'm surprised at you. First snogging Sirius, then falling madly in love with your friend's arch enemy." He put on a voice that one would normally use to mock a child into believing that the bogeyman would get you if you didn't go to sleep. "It's that naughty testosterone monster again."  
  
review! Nothing mean though. And contrary to what this fic suggests I am NOT a xenophobe 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
Dear Remus,  
  
We'll meet you in the three broomsticks at half eleven.  
  
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville  
  
Remus smiled and folded the letter back up. He looked at the clock, it was quarter to ten. He slung his cloak around his shoulders and waited patiently for Tonks.  
  
"Coming Rem- oh, snidgets." She emerged from the bathroom looking wet. "Your toilet exploded."  
  
"Exploded?"  
  
"I dropped the back of my earring down it, tried to summon it back and-"  
  
Remus grinned. "It would only happen to you."  
  
"Hang on, I'll just dry myself." She pointed her wand at herself, but thought better of it. "Dry me, Remus."  
  
Tonks headed down Hogsmeade's main street looking as if she was on a mission. "What time are we meeting Harry?"  
  
"Half eleven."  
  
"Good. That means we've got time to go to 'Grimmesham's garments'." Remus groaned - clothes shopping.  
  
"Didn't think you were the girly-type, Tonks."  
  
"I'm not. I just need some dress robes."  
  
"I thought you had dress robes."  
  
"I also had an accident."  
  
"Ah."  
  
They proceeded down the street until they reached a door that was squashed between two shops. It had a corroded sign on it, which probably used to say the name of the shop. Tonks opened the door and shoved Remus through. Inside the shop was a different matter. There were thousands, millions perhaps, of long isles with clothes racks that stretched all the way along. A grand set of staircases on his right led up to more storeys. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling and candles levitated around the walls.  
  
"Come on, Remus. Women's clothing, next floor up." She dragged him up the stairs and proceeded to eye several robes. Occasionally, she picked up a garment, held it against her, bit her lip and put it back again. Every so often, she appeared to like what she saw and thrust the robes at Remus with a 'hold that'. After what seemed like hours, Lupin was holding three garments. One was a lime green, one a reddish-pink and the other a deep blue. "Come on, dressing rooms." She tugged him all the way down the centre aisle, grabbed the green robe and charged into a stall, leaving Remus to stand there.  
  
He whistled to himself for a while but was cut off by a soft bump. "Diable!" He turned around to see a woman lying on the floor.  
  
"Can I help you?" He tugged her up. She brushed her robes down and picked up the ones she was carrying.  
  
She smiled embarrassedly, "I am ver'y clumsy. Zank you Mr Lupin."  
  
"R-Remus." He stuttered.  
  
"Ezcuse me?"  
  
"M-my name's Remus."  
  
An awkward silence ensued.  
  
"Ze pink one suits you better."  
  
"Wha- oh!" He laughed shyly.  
  
The dressing room curtain shot back and Tonks stepped out clad in the green robe. "So, Rem, whaddaya think?"  
  
"Wh-um - yeah, great."  
  
She nodded, "I thought so too. It's awful." She took the next robe he was carrying and shut the curtain.  
  
"B-but I said-" He looked behind him. "Clarisse?" He hissed. "You there?"  
  
Several items of clothes in the rack behind him parted and she stepped out. "Here I am."  
  
He helped her step out. "There you go."  
  
She kissed him on the cheek and he went scarlet. "Thanks for helping me up. Meet me in ze sree broomsticks at one o'clock? I'll buy you a butterbeer." She smiled and scurried up the aisle, leaving Remus to melt.  
  
"Remus?" Tonks stepped out from behind the curtain. She was wearing the blue one. "What do you think? I quite like it."  
  
Remus nodded. "It's beautiful."  
  
She smiled and shut the curtain again. "I'll just change back into my normal robes." Five minutes later, she stepped out wearing her normal clothes again. "It's quarter to twelve look. You go and meet Harry; I have to be back at headquarters by noon anyway. See you."  
  
---  
  
"Sorry I'm late, Tonks was clothes shopping." Explained Remus as he took his seat at the table. The three boys nodded in understanding. Remus was pleased to see Harry looking, though still upset, a lot happier.  
  
"So, Remus, how are-"  
  
But Hermione cut him off. "You should have brought Harry straight back. I've already told him my thoughts concerning his visit the other night." Harry nodded pitiably. "Especially with V-Voldemort back and everything. Anything could have happened to him. And even-"  
  
"Hermione!" Snapped Ron. "You're scaring him!"  
  
Hermione looked slightly apologetic, "Still, I think-"  
  
"Yes, and you'd be absolutely right Hermione. I should have brought Harry back."  
  
A grin spread across Harry's face. "Surely you don't mean that Remus? After all, if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have met-"  
  
"Butterbeer anyone?" Enquired Lupin, his voice suddenly very high- pitched and squeaky. Without waiting for an answer he got up and strolled over to Madame Rosmerta. He ordered the drinks then went to great pains to deliver them all without spilling them. "There you go, Harry." He said, cheerfully giving him the last one.  
  
"Do I get a kiss too Remus?"  
  
"Oh, shut up."  
  
They drank the remainder of their butterbeers in silence. Remus, who hadn't had one himself, surveyed Harry through his tired eyes. He was definitely a lot less miserable than before, though he was clearly still touchy when it came to Sirius.  
  
"Sickle for your thoughts?" Asked Neville suddenly.  
  
"Oh, I was just thinking about Sirius." Informed Remus.  
  
Harry snorted into his butterbeer spilling it everywhere.  
  
"Not like that." He sighed. "First I couldn't mention him without angering you, now I can't mention him without sending you into hysterics."  
  
"Why?" Asked Hermione, Ron and Neville all at once.  
  
"Oh nothing." Said Harry wiping his eyes. "Sirius just had a bit of mouth on him."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"VICIOUS tongue."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Abusive towards poor Remus."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
Realisation suddenly spread on Ron's face. "Oy, Harry, don't insult Sirius' mouth in front of Remus. It has sentimental value."  
  
Remus looked thunderstruck. "You told him? You have such a big gob."  
  
"That'll be something I have in common with Sirius then."  
  
"WHAT?" Cried Hermione and Neville as Harry and Ron both collapsed in laughter.  
  
"Nothing." Muttered Remus. "Anyway Ron, the other day you had a bit of mouth on you." His eyes flickered towards Hermione.  
  
Ron stopped laughing immediately. "H-Harry, we should go now its umm - time for - umm - to go."  
  
The four teenagers looking embarrassed, confused and humoured respectively left Remus at the table. He smiled at Madame Rosmerta as she cleaned the glasses away and watched the clock, which appeared to have no proper rhythm whatsoever. Bang on one o'clock though the door to the three broomsticks opened and Clarisse walked in. Her eyes scanned the pub and eventually landed on Remus. She smiled and headed towards him.  
  
"Hello." But she wasn't looking where she was going and tripped over the table leg.  
  
Good Sir Remus immediately sprang to attention. "Are you alright?" He leaned over, as she lay sprawled on the floor.  
  
"Yes, ouch." She put a hand out her hand and heaved herself up on Remus' shoulder and collapsed in a chair. Remus however clutched his shoulder, a look of pain on his face. "What is wrong viz your shoulder? 'Ave I 'urt it?"  
  
"Oh. OH - no, no, of course not. It's just a little tender, I hurt it the other night."  
  
"Ah but of course. Full moon wasn't it?"  
  
"Y- wait, you know?"  
  
Clarisse nodded. "Professor Dumbledore told me."  
  
"Oh." Remus looked a little discouraged.  
  
"I-I didn't mean to upset you or anything."  
  
"It's ok - you didn't."  
  
"Oh but I did. Dark creatures are immensely misunderstood in ze world we live in. You are, of course, nervous zat I will either run away screaming or hex you to oblivion! My grand-muzzer was a were'wolf. And - I- I know from - from past experience." A single tear rolled down her almost perfect face. "I know - what some people do to zem."  
  
Remus' hand slid across the table voluntarily and entwined with hers. The result was almost electric. The two wizards' eyes met and locked there for what seemed like eternity.  
  
"Butterbeer?" Squeaked Remus for the second time that day.  
  
Clarisse nodded nervously. Remus headed over to the bar. "So, who's your friend?" Asked Rosmerta as she passed the drink to Remus. He shrugged shyly and headed back to Clarisse.  
  
She thanked him and took her butterbeer. "So - you'd be part- werewolf wouldn't you?"  
  
She nodded, "Yes, but eet has no great effect. So - I wouldn't know anyzing about what eet feels like or anyzing like zat."  
  
"So - what does the moon do to you?"  
  
She smiled. "It makes me sneeze." She reached forward for her drink, but instead managed to knock the glass flying, spilling the remainder of her butterbeer on Remus' lap. "Oh!" She gasped, mortified  
  
Seeing her distraught face, Remus grinned. "It's ok, honestly. There wasn't much left and most of it landed on the floor. It'll dry."  
  
Clarisse grinned nervously. For a while, neither spoke, but then she tried to re-instate conversation, awkwardly. "So - so - do you 'ave a wife, or - par'tner or anyzing?"  
Remus had to admit, he was slightly shocked, there was only one reason he had ever asked a girl about her love life and for a few seconds he thought that maybe she was the same. But as it drifted slowly across his mind, he immediately shook it out. Of course not. He shouldn't give himself false hopes. She was a gorgeous, exotic woman. He was an unemployed middle- aged werewolf. "No." He answered, quietly. "No one."  
  
"Oh." Conversation stopped again.  
  
"S-so what about you?"  
  
"No one either."  
  
"No one?" He sounded as though it was ludicrous. "B-but, you're, look at you!" He realised that he was blushing like mad, but for some reason didn't care.  
  
"You 'aven't seen." She answered.  
  
"Seen what?"  
  
She shrugged. "Ne'ver mind. Eef you really want to know, most of ze men I know run away when zey see."  
  
"I didn't run away."  
  
"You 'aven't seen."  
  
"Seen what?"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
The door to the three broomsticks burst open suddenly and in strode Malfoy and his two cronies, Crabbe and Goyle. He was talking to them in an undertone, as they passed their table he caught a part of their conversation. "-Father's out, he-"  
  
Clarisse cut him off. "Mr Malfoy. I 'ope you and your friends aren't discussing anyzing zat could possibly be - illegal?"  
  
Malfoy spun round. "P-p-professor Tonks." Remus was taken aback, he hadn't expected him to take any notice. "D-didn't see you there." Malfoy - stammering? And - Remus nearly had a heart attack - was he - blushing? "W- we weren't . umm . w-we were talking a-about quidditch." Crabbe and Goyle immediately nodded in agreement. "A-and-" He pulled something out from behind his back. "L-like my new broom? I-it's a Nimbus 3000." He looked slightly hopeful.  
  
"Great," Answered Clarisse. "Now - why don't you sree go back to ze castle or somezing?"  
  
"B-brilliant idea P-professor! I'll go - n-now!" He practically ran out of the shop. Remus was thunderstruck, he had just witnesses Malfoy being nice to someone.  
  
"Brat." Muttered Clarisse. "I zink he likes me though."  
  
"You think?"  
  
She smiled.  
  
"So - you like quidditch?"  
  
Clarisse leaned forward and beckoned with her finger. He leaned in. "Actually, I 'ate quidditch."  
  
Remus leaned in closer, and then shot his eyes this way and that as if someone would leap out at him if overheard. "Actually," He hissed and scanned the room again. He lowered his voice even more, "So do I." Clarisse burst out laughing. "But maybe that's just me being a bitter old man, I was always useless at it. Plus," He leaned in again and whispered. "I'm slightly afraid of heights!" Clarisse laughed even harder. "What? I fell off a broom when I was little." He was laughing too. "I'm traumatised. You shouldn't mock the afflicted."  
  
The two talked for hours. It turned out the two had quite a lot in common. Remus pitied Tonks for being so wrong about her sister and made a mental note to try and sort things out between them.  
  
"Last orders over. Closing time."  
  
"Oh my goodness!" Exclaimed Clarisse, "Have we really been talking zis long?" She put on her cloak and slung her bag around her shoulder. She walked over to Remus and by some impulse he put his arm around her waist as they stepped outside. "So - Mr Lupin," She smiled. "Would you like me to walk you home?" She indicated Zonko's, directly opposite the three broomsticks.  
  
"I'd love you to."  
  
They proceeded quietly, through the shop door and up the stairs to Remus' flat where they stood on the landing while he fiddled about in his pocket for his keys. "Ah." He said, pulling them out. "Here they-" He locked eyes with her for the second time that day. Their faces drew closer together until they were inches apart. Clarisse's hands travelled around his waist and he leaned back onto the door as her lips drew towards him. They could feel each other's breath as their mouths closed in, and Remus fell through his own front door for the second time in less than a month. He landed flat on his back with Clarisse on top of him, killing the moment slightly.  
  
"Sorry Cl-"  
  
"Oh sorry Remus!" Came a voice from within the kitchen. "I've done it again. It was too hot so I left the door open. I hope you don't mind me staying for a while. I had another - accident."  
  
"Oh no." Hissed Clarisse, fumbling around for her bag.  
  
"Tonks," whispered back Remus. "Go, quick, she'll kill us!" He helped her up and opened the door for her again. "When will I -"  
  
But she was gone.  
  
Tonks emerged from the kitchen. "I hope I'm not a burden you know, intruding or anything."  
  
"Of course not." He closed his eyes, sighed, and then banged his head on the wall several times. 


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER - I STILL don't own anything. Although in this chapter I think a plot may have appeared somewhere which is mine.  
  
YAY - SONO IN ITALIA!!!!! (apologise also for my awful Italian)  
  
I've just re-read book 5 and realised that I'm doing Tonks' speech completely wrong. Sorry to all Tonks' fans, I can't be bothered to change it all now though.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Tonks flopped into one of Remus' chairs and sighed dramatically. Lupin smiled but didn't look up.  
  
"Ugh." She ran her hand through her hair. "Can you believe it? SHE wants to talk to me. Cheeky cow."  
  
The bottom dropped out of Remus' stomach. "A-about what?"  
  
Tonks shrugged. "NO idea but - hang on, where are you going?"  
  
"Out." Said Remus simply.  
  
The door to the entrance hall opened with a bang. Remus plodded up the stairs gasping for breath and ran straight down to his old office, knocking the fat friar, two innocent first years and a disgruntled Snape over in the process. Surprisingly the door was unlocked so he let himself in. It had changed a lot since he had been there. Pictures hung from the walls and the room seemed a lot brighter and cleaner. It was also less empty - homier. There were two doors at the back of the room, one led to the bedroom. He threw it open but no one was in there so he proceeded to the next room; the bathroom. He pushed it open roughly, stepped inside and was greeted by a deafening scream. "S-sorry!" He put his hands over his eyes and left the room hurriedly. "Sorry - I-I didn't realise you'd be - not wearing anything."  
  
"WHAT do you want?" Clarisse stepped out angrily. Remus felt an old acquaintance in his lower regions rising for a peek at the action and wisely decided to hide it by standing behind the desk. She had put on a dressing gown - not that it made much difference. It was possibly the smallest dressing gown Remus had ever seen in his life. His eyes travelled down her uncontrollably. The robe hung loosely over her shoulders exposing most of her breasts and ALL of her legs.  
  
"Your legs!" Exclaimed Remus. "What happened?"  
  
Clarisse cooled down immediately. "Oh, them." Snow-white scars littered her slender would-be-perfect legs. "Zere was an accident when I was small. Well - eet wasn't exactly an accident."  
  
Remus flopped into the desk chair and thrust out the chair in front of it. "Come along Miss Tonks. Tell me ALL about it."  
  
She took her seat quietly. At first it looked as though she didn't know where to begin, but after a few minutes it had all come out at once. "I - told you zat my grand-muzzer was a were'wolf didn't I? Well, zat of course made my muzzer a half-wolf. I lived in a small village. Never saw my fazzer of course. The villagers - used to - to." Remus put his hand on hers. "Zey used to attack us frequently. Because of what we were. A-and one time." She sniffed. "One time, some drunken lout decided to throw a petrol bomb through our window." Seeing Remus' confusion, she added. "An explosive device zat muggles make from alcohol bottles. It burned my house to ze ground. Killed my muzzer. I 'ad to live wiz my grandfazzer after zat."  
  
"Oh." Remus sighed. He didn't quite know what to say. Luckily though, Clarisse beat him to it.  
  
"Zanks for listening to me, Remus."  
  
He smiled, "For you, my dear, anything."  
  
A little of the mischievous look crept back on her face. "Anyzing?"  
  
He nodded as if she was challenging him.  
  
"Would you-" Her eyes travelled around the room for inspiration. "-Dress in drag?"  
  
He burst out laughing.  
  
"Is zat a laugh of defeat, MONSIEUR Lupin?"  
  
"Definitely not." His grin was comical. "If - the occasion arose - I would dress in drag for you."  
  
Unperturbed her eyes wandered the room again. "Ok -would you-" They landed on a photograph of ballerinas. Her smile widened. "-Dress in drag as a ballerina."  
  
He nodded again, tears of laughter leaking down his face.  
  
"Ok-" She began again. "Would you dress in drag, as a ballerina and - do ze can can?"  
  
"Yup m'dear."  
  
Not giving up she dried again. "Would you - dress in drag as a ballerina, do ze can can - wearing pink nail varnish?"  
  
The nodding ensued.  
  
Clarisse bit her lip in thought. "Err - dress in drag as a pink nail polish wearing ballerina and do ze can can to ze national anzem, wearing a union Jacques thong." (A/N oh yes readers - you KNOW its gonna happen eventually. So keep reading and reviewing!!! Something to look forward to.) She sighed. "Oh mon Dieu, it seems I 'ave been beaten. Oh well." Her smile was unbearable, Lupin leaned forward, her hot breath tormenting his lips, they were millimetres apart. Clarisse smiled and moved away from him teasingly. "I am afraid you 'ave to go monsieur." She pouted.  
  
"Why?" Moaned Lupin, a mock childishness in his voice.  
  
"Because." Said Clarisse. "You've SEEN." She indicated her body.  
  
He shrugged. "I liked what I saw."  
  
"Even ze legs?"  
  
He smiled, "Especially the legs."  
  
She smiled enticingly. "I believe you are acquainted wiz my bedroom?"  
  
Lupin almost passed out. "Y-yes."  
  
"Well zen," She ushered him out of her office so that they stood in the doorway in the hall. "Zere's no need for you to be re-introduced is zere?" She made to move away from him but Remus held her back, pouting.  
  
"S'not nice to tease." He said huskily.  
  
"No," She leaned closer. "It's not, is it?" Their lips met and fireworks exploded at the bottom of Remus' stomach and his head went dizzy as her arms found their way around his body.  
  
They leapt apart when someone cleared their throat behind them.  
  
"We were just - umm - "  
  
"-Doing-"  
  
"-Nothing."  
  
Remus suddenly got a sense of déjà vu. This situation had definitely happened before.  
  
Dumbledore stood in front of them. "It seems that I'm right again. I knew you'd have to surface for air sometime."  
  
They both blushed.  
  
"I was just about to send Professor Tonks to fetch you. And - with her simply ASTOUNDING intuition, she's done it even before I got round to asking her. EXCELLENT work Clarisse."  
  
She blushed a deeper red.  
  
"Now." Stated Dumbledore. "I need to speak to both of you and Harry in my office. I am going to go and get him, you two go and wait up there." He left, his robes trailing impressively behind him.  
  
"Alright-" Said Lupin. "We'd better get go-"  
  
"Wait a minute." Interrupted Clarisse. "Why are you 'ere?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Well - you ran to 'Ogwarts and stormed into my bazroom - you nev'er did tell me what you came for?"  
  
"Oh YEAH." Remembered Remus. "Yeah - I came to ask you what you wanted to talk to Tonk-Nyphadora for, I mean - you weren't going to tell her about - about US were you?"  
  
She shook her head. "Of course not. She'd decapitate you and zat would never do." She lightly kissed him on the lips. "I just wanted to see if we could - sort zings out zat's all."  
  
"Oh." He leaned in again, but she shook her head.  
  
"We have to go to Dumbledore."  
  
"It's Bellatrix." Said Dumbledore. "She was sighted near Hogwarts. Obviously precautions will have to be taken. Remus you will come to Harry, NOT, under ANY circumstances will it be the other way around."  
  
They all nodded.  
  
"Clarisse. I presume you will inform Remus when Harry needs to talk to him.  
  
"Of course headmaster."  
  
"That's all."  
  
Harry left the room looking suddenly angry and confused.  
  
"Harry?" Said Lupin gently. "Promise me you won't do anything stupid."  
  
"No." He snapped. "Nothing stupid. Exactly what you told Sirius and look what happened to him. I'm gonna find Bellatrix. I'll find her, then I'll kill her, that is DEFINITELY - NOT - STUPID." He stormed off.  
  
"Harr-" But it was too late.  
  
He stormed past where Ron and Hermione had been waiting for him.  
  
"Fine." Muttered Ron. "Be like that."  
  
"I hope he doesn't go after Bellatrix though."  
  
Ron, who hadn't been listening, began to think out loud. "I wonder who throws more tantrums, him, Tonks or a four year old."  
  
Hermione considered for a minute. "Remus." She declared.  
  
"REMUS?" Ron shook his head. "Most of the time he's calmer than - than-" He searched for a metaphor. "-A very calm thing."  
  
"EXACTLY. He has emotional debris."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Just think what's going on in that head of his."  
  
Ron looked thoughtful. "Blimey. That'll be a bloody tsunami when it all comes out."  
  
R+R but nothing too mean!  
  
I've tried to stick to the rating. Not that I believe in ratings. Ratings were invented because a bunch of whining parents want to bring their children up with cotton wool in their ears. 


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER - Don't own anything. Be very rich if I did though.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
"I'm baaaaaaaaack!" Tonks peered around the door grinning, looked at Remus' smile and said. "Oh thank God you're in a good mood."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I'm sorry Remus."  
  
"What have you done?"  
  
"Me? It wasn't ME! Blame Kingsley - I SAID you wouldn't be happy about it but he insist-"  
  
"About WHAT? Tonks if you don't-" But he was cut short by someone muttering behind the door.  
  
"-putting me in the care of filthy half men werewolves - the indignity - what WOULD my mistress say? -"  
  
"Who's-" But to Remus' utmost horror and disgust a filthy house-elf with white hairs spurting out of its huge ears and a loincloth wrapped around its stomach stepped from out behind Tonks who was controlling him with a thick dog lead around his neck. Remus growled. "HE - CAN'T - STAY - HERE!"  
  
"Tough." Snapped Tonks unusually coldly.  
  
"Chain him to that table." Muttered Lupin sulkily pointing to one in the corner.  
  
"This lead's magical. He won't get out unless Kingsley releases him."  
  
A knock at the door distracted her. As Lupin didn't appear to be moving she got up and heaved open the door, immediately regretting it.  
  
"Another werewolf." Muttered Kreacher. "Filthy, dishonourable vermin."  
  
"What do YOU want?" Snapped Tonks.  
  
Lupin leaned forward and to his horror saw Clarisse standing at the door.  
  
Clarisse spoke forcefully. "I - just wanted to know - well, I already know but - I wanted to ask you and R-Lupin out - would you like to - to come wiz me to ze Sree Broomsticks tonight."  
  
"Well guess what?" Screamed Tonks. "WE WOULDN'T!"  
  
"WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS LIKE ZIS!"  
  
"UMM - I DUNNO." Yelled Tonks in mock confusion. "MAYBE I'M ALWAYS LIKE 'ZIS' BECAUSE SOME FILTHY FROGGIE COW LIKE YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"  
  
"OH I'M SORRY - YOU'RE LIFE WAS RUIINED? I DIDN'T REALISE - I THOUGHT ZAT I WAS ZE ONE WHOSE MUZZER WAS MURDERED IN FRONT OF ZEM AND ZEN DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A FAZZER TO GO TO BECAUSE OF A SNOTTY EEENGLISH COW LIKE YOU!"  
  
"AT LEAST YOU WERE LOVED! MY MUM COULDN'T STAND THE SIGHT OF MY DAD BECAUSE OF YOU! WHERE D'YOU THINK THAT LEFT ME?"  
  
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT I EXIST! EVER THOUGHT OF BLAMING YOUR FAZZER FOR WHAT HAPPENED? OR DID ZE FACT ZAT HE, NOT I, WAS ZE ONE WHO HAD AN AFFAIR EVER CROSS YOUR MIND?"  
  
Tonks had gone pale. "My - my dad didn- get out. GET - OUT!" Clarisse stormed off and Tonks slammed the door behind her. She flopped, face down on Remus' settee.  
  
"Nargh," muttered Kreacher sitting down disappointedly, he seemed to have rather enjoyed the show.  
  
Remus had his head in his hands. "I think I'll go to bed." He got up and went into his bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him. He ran his hand through his hair wearily. 'What AM I going to do?' He thought angrily. Tonks wasn't going to see the real Clarisse as easily as he'd hoped. 'Tonks is my best friend - my ONLY friend. And she hates Clarisse, but I LOVE Clarisse and - hang on - since when have I loved Clarisse? Oh damn.' He thought angrily. 'I do as well.' He grimaced. 'That complicates matters a lot.'  
  
Tonks wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeve. "I'll get her back." She stated out loud.  
  
"Really?" Exclaimed Kreacher excitedly.  
  
"Oh shut up." She threw a cushion at him. "I'll get her back," She muttered to herself again. "But how?" And then, it came to her. She'd get her back the way she ALWAYS did only - Remus. She shrugged. He'd forgive her - after seeing what she's like, he wouldn't mind. She'd tell him the truth in a week or two, until she was properly embarrassed. "I'm going out!" She yelled.  
  
Remus, who was still lying on his bed grunted in reply.  
  
Ten minutes or so later, he heard the door open and someone walk in. "Tonks?" He yelled.  
  
"No." Came the answer. "It's me."  
  
His heart brightened. "Clarisse? I'm here. In the bedroom."  
  
The door opened slowly. "Hello." She smiled. "I saw my sister leave."  
  
"Oh." His heart fell again.  
  
"I'm sorry about - earlier. I didn't know she waz living wiz you."  
  
He shrugged. "It's just while she gets her house fixed."  
  
Clarisse looked slightly confused.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's just - I wasn't expecting you to be zis nice to me. I thought you might at least want to - throw a pillow at me?" She looked slightly hopeful. Remus thought she was slightly mad.  
  
"Wh-why would I want to do that?"  
  
She looked even more confused. "Doesn't matter." She shook her head. "Listen. Ze reason I came round earlier was because - I-I mean I didn't really want to invite you and my sister to ze Sree broomsticks. I wanted to tell you - I love you."  
  
Remus' heart did a cartwheel then started leap-frogging with his stomach. "Y-you love me too?" A smile broke across his face.  
  
Clarisse suddenly looked shocked. "What do you mean 'too'?"  
  
"I-I mean - I love you."  
  
Clarisse's voice changed into another's whom he knew oh too well. "You WHAT?"  
  
"T-Tonks?" He looked positively frightened.  
  
"YOU LOVE MY SISTER? YOU BACKSTABBING GIT!"  
  
"Oh - I'M backstabbing?" The colour in Lupin's face was rising. "I DIDN'T USE MY FRIEND TO GET BACK AT MY SISTER!"  
  
"NO - YOU USED YOUR FRIEND TO GET OFF WITH HER SISTER!"  
  
"WELL GUESS WHAT? I DO LOVE HER. AND SO WOULD YOU IF YOU SWALLOWED YOUR PRIDE AND GOT TO KNOW HER!"  
  
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"  
  
"WELL - GET - OUT - THEN!"  
  
"FINE - I -WILL!"  
  
She stormed out of the house past Kreacher, who was enjoying the second best day he'd had in fifteen years.  
  
Remus flopped back on his bed. Tonks would come back and apologise any minute, she always did. As anticipated, there was a knock at the door. Lupin didn't answer so there was a quiet 'Alohomora.' And the door clicked open. The person proceeded to his bedroom door and pushed it open softly. She came and sat next to him on the bed.  
  
"I came to say I was sorry for my behaviour earlier. I lost my temper wiz her." Remus looked up; Tonks was still disguised as Clarisse.  
  
"Hilarious." He muttered. "Now turn back."  
  
"Back into what?"  
  
"Into the cow you were before."  
  
"Remus how can you say zat?"  
  
"YOU'RE ALWAYS NASTY TO HER!"  
  
"Only because she-"  
  
"AND EARLIER - YOU COMPLETELY HUMILIATED ME!"  
  
Her cheeks flushed red. "WELL I'M VERY SORRY BUT I DON'T RECALL DOING ANYZING TO YOU!"  
  
"HOW ABOUT COMING IN HERE AND GETTING ME TO DECLARE MY UNDYING LOVE FOR YOU, MORON!"  
  
"YOU 'AVE UNDYING LOVE FOR ME? GREAT WAT OF SHOWING IT!"  
  
"OH - SHUT - UP! I HATE YOU OK? AND I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU, YOU HAG! I DON'T - EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, EVEN IF YOU DO WORK FOR THE ORDER."  
  
"Fine," She whispered quietly, tears spilling down her hot cheeks. "Fine, I hate you too - and I don't want to ever see you again either. Goodb-"  
  
But she was cut off by another female voice. "OK Remus, what I did was wrong, but you still shouldn't-" The real Tonks strode through the door and stood stock still when she noticed Clarisse. "SHE'S here? I can't believe you Remus."  
  
Remus was still in shock. "You mean - she's not - and you are - and she's the real-"  
  
Not waiting for an explanation Tonks stormed out.  
  
"Tonks - WAIT!"  
  
"Well." Said Clarisse angrily. "For once my sister 'as ze right idea." She stood up.  
  
"No - wait." Began Lupin again. "You don't get it - I thought you were-"  
  
But she stormed off. Remus was completely alone. Again.  
  
Aww. My poor, poor Remy. R+R. 


End file.
